then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
