Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
