Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
