This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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