he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
