I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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