I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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