i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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