i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
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