one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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