I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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