he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
