Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Boobs are out for the taking
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
