a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
