im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
