I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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