So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
