Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
