THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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