fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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