I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
