I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
