Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
