I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
