Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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