shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize