Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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