I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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