I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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