i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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