I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
