You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
no you cant smoke seaweed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
