she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
