His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He felt like a one man threesome
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
