i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
