The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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