Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
