roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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