I am spending my child support on dildos
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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