Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
