yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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