All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Found your dick twin last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm really busy with my period
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