I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
