16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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