physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you win again, gameday.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
