my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
