Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
