I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
