okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
