im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
