im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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