He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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