I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
