Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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