Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
