my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Boobs speak an international language.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
