i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
