sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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