sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
