Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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