Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
