I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
