he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
