Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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