I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
