Where is the hickey?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
