Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found puke in my bra..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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