I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
